I know I write a lot about Body Positivity here, and I do
believe in it wholeheartedly. Being able to think the happy, big upping, self-accepting
thoughts about yourself after a lifetime of mostly not is pretty amazing, no question.
But something I am still learning about, and appreciating
more and more recently as I transition out of the "honeymoon” phase of discovering
Body Positivity, is what might actually be just as, if not MORE important to
the self -acceptance journey: Body Neutrality.
Body Neutrality is slightly more difficult to promote/recommend than Body
Positivity. It just doesn’t sound all
that exciting, to be honest. Being body neutral means just that, you are not
thinking negative or positive thoughts
about yourself; you are simply existing in your body as is, in as non-judgemental
a way as possible, ideally, trying to give it as little thought as possible, or address any negative thoughts you may be having without judgement or forced cheer.
It all sounds terribly zen and maybe a bit smug Gwyneth
Paltrow-esque if we’re being honest. It’s
so vanilla, so quinoa, so white linen and cotton candles and meditation ;-0.
Body Positivity is chocolate chip ice cream (or whatever your favourite ice
cream flavour is!) on the beach, it’s feeling part of a community, it’s
glorying in the bravery and beauty of women and people of all sizes being free
at last from the tyranny of diet culture and yasss queen! Let’s throw a parade
and wear shorts and red lipstick and zumba and life is grand!
I hope this makes a little bit of sense…it’s just a hard
feeling to describe, and in some ways a harder place to rest in mentally, than a
positive or negative headspace. Even outside body positive culture, on a human
level, socially we all seem to share feelings of being either very up or very
down, with very little in between.
Mostly on Twitter or
Instagram or wherever we see posts proclaim “I’m so happy!” or “I’m so sad!” with very little
room for “Actually I’m a bit…meh.” Don’t get me wrong, sometimes my
mood shifts dramatically from day to day; sometimes my hormones are a real live
rollercoaster. But seeking a neutral headspace is something I have learned, and
am still learning, can be a respite from negative thoughts when “thinking positive”
feels out of reach.
I really don’t believe in forced positivity generally, it is
hugely overemphasized in society. I have mentioned before how often I felt that
unspoken pressure to “stay positive” during cancer treatment, and how isolated
that made me feel at times.
So anyway, yeah…last week I had a dip. It was a real, hard core,
for the first time in a long time loathing a part of my body moment. There are
various things that may have caused it, but it didn’t change the fact that I
felt like I had fallen fairly deeply into the sunken place* of negative body
thoughts.
The former instinct I would have had pre bopo would have
been to pile more negative thoughts on top for good measure, until I was
ashamed enough to start some dumb diet. If that is a cycle you have engaged in
for a long time, the mere act of not feeding the negative thoughts/soul suckers
let’s call them (;-)), is in itself an achievement. To stop and regroup and
think “Ok so this sucks…what now?” and sit in that, and try to nudge it into “I
don’t hate my body, I know this rationally. I have a good and worthy body and nothing
is wrong with it other than my own unhelpful thoughts.”
Until hopefully,
eventually, after a mini pity party you don’t let go on for too long, you are
walking around, feeding yourself, trying not to begrudge yourself food,
exercising as much as you feel able (because of my confidence dip I skipped a
gym day last week, I did not have the mental energy it took to face the gym on
one day in particular), and just…existing, in as neutral and non-self-critical
a headspace as you can manage.
Just treat yourself with as much kindness as you can muster,
not asking yourself to feel or look or be any other way than where you are at.
Like I said, it doesn’t sound incredibly inspiring or “You Go
Girl!”, etc., but for myself and I
imagine many others who have a history of negative body image taking over at low points, it is a life vest back to the place of good
thoughts and feelings, that will hopefully keep you afloat until you eventually
drift back into smoother waters.
It does make it easier to achieve this mind set if you practice
self-care and do whatever you can to make things less stressful on yourself. You are allowed to be a bit blah and feel your feelings and watch a bad rom com
or three if that’s what makes you feel better.
Allowing
ourselves to just be is something I
feel like we aren’t really taught or encouraged in western society. Not that I
am some super zen Buddha, but the emphasis always seems to be on what we are
doing, where we are going, what have we bought, etc. There is very little chill outside of yoga classes in the modern
age (I’m in my 40s now, so I can say things like “the modern age” ;-o).
So yes... I’m feeling better this week, not on top of the
world or anything, but I feel like I have anchored myself, and I feel…ok. Sometimes
that is more than enough. I have had people ask me about the body neutrality
thing before, and to be honest I am not an expert, all I can say is that for
me, this week it helped.
Here are some links that maybe give a more clear cut
idea/at least a different perspective of what it’s about. A lot of body neutral advice articles tend towards the "Body Positivity is overrated/unattainable for most" zone, which I don't personally agree with. I feel like Body Positivity has broadened its scope and conversation to include Body Neutrality, something it maybe did not do as well in the early days.
For me, they can co-exist, Body Positivity and its community are invaluable to my own experience. But I know for some people it might often feel like a bridge too far, so I get why they frame it this way, too. I guess the best thing to do is make up your mind for yourself!
*Is it ok to reference Get Out in this context? I hope so?!
