Sunday Confessions: The Worst Blood Moon




I confess: I wasn't going to do a Sunday (Monday!) Confessions, but a couple of things made me want to:

1. The other awesome ladies Becky and Heather (and usually Meg) who participate in this Sunday Confessions thing, organized by Becky, sharing pieces of their lives, sometimes fun, sometime honest and relatable, sometimes sad. I've found blogging difficult the past couple of weeks but when I read blogs that just share, honestly what someone is up to, they make me feel better. Sometimes all the other stuff to do with crafting a blog makes me feel inadequate and like a not very good blogger.

2. I had a weird blog traffic spike from Israel this week - anyone else? Over a thousand in one day! Whatever you are liking Israel (or spam-bots?), lemme know and I'll do it more!

3. The other thing that made me want to write a little bit today and then crawl back in my hole is that on both my Twitter and Gmail there were articles about Endometriosis and how under-diagnosed and basically crap it is. Now, I have been cleared of having Endometriosis and also PCOS a few years ago, I had the uterine scan, I had the laparoscopy. Nothing obvious seems to be wrong with me.

This does not change the fact that my periods and PMS (they call it PMT here) have gotten progressively more hellish in the past few years. I can't be on the Pill anymore because I had a blood clot in my leg a few years ago. I don't want a coil because I've read scary things about them and I just feel like with my medical history/luck it probably wouldn't go well.

Lately it all feels depressingly out of my control. I have had a period for two weeks now, not including the week of cramps that led up to this marathon of my very own Uterine Blood Moon! (bwa ha ha sorry! Um yeah our moon was white and then disappeared behind a cloud, did anyone else see it?).

I know that if I go to the doctor they will say "Hmm...see if it happens again" because that's what they said the last time. Nothing looks wrong or unhealthy, my hormones always test normal. But of course I can't help feeling like they are missing something, like I'm slipping between the cracks. It could "just" be peri-menopause, which at 40 isn't ideal but at this point I'm kind of done. I'm tired of feeling like no one can help me with things that I know are not right.

Anyway sorry it's all a bit blah! Plus the actual thought crossed my mind "If I start being aggressive/forceful about them investigating my uterus again right now, it will ruin my holiday in a month if they find something". My one period of warmth and sunshine a year, I don't want to be stressing about my stupid body. Once you've had cancer you become really weirdly fatalistic and kind of don't give a shit (sorry, I have no swear filter at this point, completely on my last tether!) if your health is messing with your other life priorities. Like if someone said I was sick again I would say "Tough, it can wait, I have beaches to lie on and poodles to pet!". I'm just done. Now if only my period would be.


I loved when Nick and Schmidt of New Girl were sharing their love of Cathy this week!



8 comments

  1. Boo! I have no good advice about periods - mine are lighter and less painful when I eat a healthy, varied diet but that kind of feels like stating the obvious. It did take me nine years of pushing (and two laparoscopies) to get my endo diagnosis, though...

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    1. This is what I'm afraid of. I just feel like it's so OBVIOUS something isn't right, and fighting for adequate attention/ specialized NHS health care is my least favorite thing to do for obvious reasons.

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  2. Have you considered the contraceptive implant? I had to come off the Pill due to age/weight so had an implant and even thought T's now had a vasectomy I've kept it because I have almost no bleeding. It does affect women differently, so some experience more spotting or irregular periods (I mean, mine I guess could be called irregular in that it comes about one month in 3 and I bleed lightly and pain-free for a couple of days). But you can have it removed if it's causing you issues and it's single hormone so no risk of clots. It's not perfect but it helped my heavy and painful periods.

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    1. Is that the one in you arm? I really don't want anything implanted "down there" if I can help it. I'm also hesitant to start any long acting birth control "just in case" I wake up one morning and decide to have a baby; at my age I can't afford any delays should that moment come! But thank you, I will definitely keep in mind for the future :-) x

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    2. Yes, it goes into your arm and can be removed at any time - and your fertility goes straight back to normal. I hear good things about the IUD but, like you, don't want anything in my uterus, and the injection is obviously not reversible, so this was the best option and has worked really well for me.

      Also just seen this and thought it might be a useful read for you re. endometriosis
      http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/sep/29/endometriosis-experiences-women-period

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    3. Thanks Janet, I will ask my g.p. if I can have it - they ruled out a lot of things after the clot and kept trying to get me to have a coil. Thank you for the article. I just don't understand how they could scan and then look inside me and see nothing, yet you do hear so many stories of them missing it somehow. I really do not want it to be endometriosis. A g.p.did tell me that periods "just get worse" in childless women at my age, which reads like so many of the stories in that link. Thanks again. x

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  3. Okay, if I could send you a card that said "Sorry about your uterus," I would, except that might be in poor taste? But thank you for linking up! I am glad you did. (I am behind on my blog reading.) I don't have any advice for the menstrual stuff. I do have PCOS, but they hadn't found any signs of endo in me, but before I started on the pill, I was pretty convinced I had/have it, because of how terrible I could feel my cramping in a specific spot. That said, I am lucky enough that I can be on the pill.
    I actually really liked the blood moon joke. I laughed really hard at that.
    It delights me to know that you enjoy the link-up - I really love reading what other people are up to. And I know what you mean - sometimes it's just so hard to come up with something to share and other times it's the easiest thing in the world. But I'm glad you link-up. I like the connections. ;)

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    1. Ha! My Uterus thanks you, especially as she is going into her "Stab me like a bitch for a week before I get my period" phase. Kill me now. I have always felt like I have lots of PCOS symptoms, more so than Endo, but they keep saying I don't have it. Maybe I will just start trying to self treat it. I know diet is supposed to help. Thanks. xo :-)

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