October the 5th: My Anniversary!

It's my wedding anniversary today, which always gets this song in my head!




Hope this video doesn't depress anyone, because as we all know Kermit and Miss Piggy split up (for good?!) this year. Which...I don't know, feels a bit Kardashian/gossip news courting for my liking. I don't know if Jim Henson would have approved. Plus we all know Kermit and Miss Piggy are (dysfunctional, in need of therapy) soul mates! How is the new show, has anyone seen it? From what I've read it's gone down a bit like a lead balloon, so maybe let's us 80's children remember the good times.

So I don't know, I always feel uncomfortable talking about/giving any kind of marriage advice because I know most of the things I read come off as cliched. But well, it's weird. When we started out we were one of many couples in our group, most of which have now split. 14 years is a looooong time these days. Plus it's weird when celebrities who got married around the same time as us split, as most of them have, is it just me who notices stuff like that? So is it just dumb luck or are we doing something right?

We're certainly not perfect, it makes me superstitious to even talk about what works for us. Weirdly enough I watched that Meryl Streep/Tommy Lee Jones film Hope Springs this weekend about a long term married couple who are on their last legs and go to a counselor played by Steve Carrell for drastic marriage therapy. It's a bit cringe inducing/painful at times but I imagine that's what marriage therapy is like! I would like to think that if we ever reached that stage we would want to at least try to see if we could work it out. A lot of the death of relationships seems to revolve around couples simply drifting apart and not communicating, which is what happens sometimes I guess but it does make me sad to see.

There was a line at the end of the film about how most marriages have rough patches that can last a year (or more!), about just how much work and temerity they take to last any length of time (or something to that effect). Which isn't very fun to think about but is probably closer to the truth than a lot of advice I've heard. And the truth is sometimes people get tired of the fight, I get that. There's a line in a Ryan Adams song off of his last album (not the Taylor Swift one!) which really struck me: "I'm tired of giving up so easy, I'm tired of giving up at all."






I mean this is just a very sad song about the end of a relationship. "You keep running away".

So yeah. What I will say is that I'm lucky to be married to someone who doesn't give up, who doesn't run away. Of course we fight sometimes but we rarely fight for long. He goes out of his way to make me laugh in good times and in bad. To just be there, in the room, and not rest until something is fixed the best we can fix it that day. And if I'm honest he is much better at it than me. I am the one who tries to swallow my feelings sometimes, but luckily I married a nosy parker who badgers me like a puppy when he can tell I'm upset! And it doesn't sound super sage or anything but I think it's part of what keeps us glued together.

We're a team, we don't spend huge amounts of time apart really, and I know that is much easier without kids. But I'd like to think it will continue, because no matter how much time passes I still feel grateful and lucky to have found someone who makes me feel so safe and at home in the world, even if that means living in a different country to the one I was born in!


Getting my husband to pose for goofy pictures in Florida to prove his love once more!



12 comments

  1. Happy anniversary to you and David!

    I loved Hope Springs (although most of the couples I know who divorced did go to counselling; it's often more about getting them to accept their decision and move on without acrimony than actually patching things up - parrots the child of the therapist).

    Anyway, here's to many more years of marriage and happiness.

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    1. Thank you! I liked Hope Springs too but I think a lot of that had to do with liking the actors in it. :-)

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  2. Happy anniversary! This is such a lovely piece. I feel much the same about Thomas - that he is the better one for always challenging me, not letting me mope, and never getting wound up when I'm being unreasonable.

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    1. Aw, thanks! I know, it's hard to put into words what a difference having someone just not give up/ be put off by moods etc. makes!

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  3. Unconditional love, honesty, acceptance, and apologising a lot works for us. Almost twenty years together aaargh.

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  4. Happy anniversary! I never had any doubt you crazy kids would make it! Touch wood, spit, spit.

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  5. Happy Anniversary! Marriage is really tough work. I'm thankful that one of my friends got married somewhat around the same time, so we can relate on a lot of things (the communication issues, oh my!) do you watch the cartoon Rick and Morty? I loved this exchange between the husband and wife:

    Beth, do you still love me?

    Ugh, what kind of question is that?

    The "yes or no" kind?

    Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?

    Yes...

    Are you gonna build them?

    No.

    Then what good was the "yes"?

    Wait, is loving me the house or the homeless people?

    Loving you is work, Jerry hard work, like building a homeless shelter nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in. So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?

    Sort of.

    Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I?

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    1. Oh I've never seen this,sounds good! We still do the "I love you more" thing which is kind of barf inducing but a good sign I think! We were in the weird position of (among other things because I was 26 so none of my other friends were actually married yet) being the first (with one exception) in D's group of friends to marry. Except the couples had all already been together for years, whereas we had technically been together for a year but in reality in the flesh living together for six months. SO if anything I imagine a lot of people thought "That'll never last!" And weirdly most of the long term couple who got married after us have since split. Which is just sad and weird and changes everything when you were all a big gang. It does make me grateful and also like "God this marriage thing is hard."

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  6. OH MY GOSH! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! (Yes, that required all caps.)
    I have no idea about the Kermit/Miss Piggy thing. This is a thing? To me, the Muppets and also Sesame Street will always be the way they were in the 80's, how I remember them. Le old person.
    Oh...the communication. Oh, the rough patches. Some are rougher than others. Oh, man. But this was a great post, and again, Happy Anniversary!

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